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“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”
—Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1850
“How do I hate thee? How much time do you have?”
—Joan Rivers, 2012
Joan Rivers is a groundbreaking, award-winning, internationally renowned entertainment goddess. She’s also opinionated—especially when it comes to people she hates. Like people who think giving birth is a unique achievement. Or well-adjusted, a.k.a. boring, ex-child stars who don’t even have a decent addiction.
With all of her diverse experiences, it stands to reason that Joan has seen, done, said, and heard a lot of hateful things. Thank god, she took notes.
Here—uncensored and totally uninhibited—she gives the best of her worst to First Ladies, closet cases, hypocrites, Hollywood, feminists, and overrated historical figures. And even when letting herself have it, Joan doesn’t hold back in this honest, unabashedly hilarious love letter to the hater in all of us.
- Sales Rank: #515944 in Books
- Brand: Rivers, Joan
- Published on: 2012-06-05
- Released on: 2012-06-05
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.30" h x .88" w x 5.40" l, .75 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 256 pages
Review
"An encyclopedia of kvetches by Joan Rivers, with more punch lines per paragraph than any book I've read in years.”—The New York Times
“Often hilarious, often shocking, totally politically incorrect.”—Liz Smith
“An entertaining rant on how she hates nearly everything and everyone, especially herself….The only thing missing is the sound of a drum roll and cymbals to feel as though one is sitting in a nightclub watching a live comedy marathon.”—Kirkus Reviews
"Joan Rivers is extraordinary, but she's not for the easily offended-or for anyone who gets offended at all.”--People
About the Author
Comedienne, Emmy Award–winning TV host, Tony-nominated actress and CEO, Joan Rivers was an icon of American culture, a bestselling author, Celebrity Apprentice winner, writer, producer, director, and savvy businesswoman who overcame great odds to reinvent herself time and time again. She hosted E! Network’s popular series Fashion Police, and starred with her daughter, Melissa, in their own weekly reality show, Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best? on WEtv Network. Her critically acclaimed documentary, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work premiered in theaters nationwide and is available on DVD. Amongst all of her success, Joan’s most joyous triumph was being a mother and grandmother.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Love may be a many-splendored thing, but hate makes the world go round. If you think I’m kidding, just watch the six o’clock news. The first twenty-nine minutes are all about dictators and murderers and terrorists and maniacs and, worst of all, real housewives. And then, at the very end of the show, there’s a thirty second human-interest story about some schmuck who married his cat. I rest my case.
Some things I’ve hated forever, some are new acquisitions, and some are just passing fancies. Today I hate happy TV weathermen, feminists who believe Gloria Steinem’s great looks hurt her, Gloria Steinem herself, people who mispronounce the word ask, studio apartments, guidance counselors, first ladies, old people. So if any of this offends you, or you happen to love puppies and kittens and the infirm . . . well . . . I’m impressed. I hate you, but I’m impressed . . .
I know what you’re thinking: “Joan, hate is a very strong word.” You’re right, it is, but I use it as an umbrella term, the way mental-health professionals use the word schizophrenia as a catchall for any particular brand of crazy they can’t identify. So when I say hate, I don’t necessarily mean hate. I could also mean loathe, detest, abhor, dislike, despise or resent. See, isn’t that kinder and gentler? If you think this makes you a better person than I am, good. You’re the idiot that actually paid for this book.
For those of you thinking, Geez, Joan seems a little angry, you’re half right. I am angry. I’m also fed up. I’m fed up with the morons and losers and cretins who are cluttering up the planet. Emma Lazarus wrote, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” I didn’t know she meant on my block. But being fed up and angry is better than being depressed. Psychologists tell us that depression is just anger turned inward, but I say, why waste your time? It is what it is and quite frankly I’d rather be angry than depressed. Why? Because antidepressants like Prozac, Wellbutrin and Zoloft can cause bloating—and I hate bloating!!! (I need to go back and add bloating to the list of things I hate. Is there anything worse than not being able to fit into a size two Valentino? I think not. Talk about depressing.)
Most helpful customer reviews
155 of 166 people found the following review helpful.
An AWFUL little book, but I can't help myself
By Penny Thoughtful
This is an AWFUL little book that is so offensive I ought to throw it right out the window...but I can't, because I can't stop laughing. Just the line about why chocolate doesn't count as decadent had me...well, I don't want this review to be censored, so I'll stop. Just read the book and you'll see what I mean!
Four stars instead of five because I'm afraid giving it five will get me sent straight to hell when I die. You understand, don't you, Joan?
67 of 72 people found the following review helpful.
Only thing missing is the rim shot!
By Chaya
This isn't so much a book as a series of one liners from one of the funniest stand-up comedians ever. I've loved Joan River's humor since her early appearances on Johnny Carson, and this book reads like vintage Joan! I laughed so hard, I scared the cat out of bed and usually the only thing that can do that is a needed trip to the litter box or (if I'm lucky) coughing up a hair ball.
Nothing is sacred, everything is a target for her quick wit. If you are easily offended, skip this book. If you like old-fashioned stand-up, click that "buy" button now - it's like a trip back to the Borscht Belt.
89 of 98 people found the following review helpful.
"A Book Only Joan Can Write"
By Terrance Richard
You have to give Joan Rivers credit for coming up with a smart and intelligent title to her latest book" I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me". The content is pretty simple...Joan hates everything and everyone and is not shy when it comes to writing about it. Everyone from the sappy weather man to people having babies to movie stars and holy rollers, Joan says it like no one else can. The book is simply a hilarious take on today's pop culture and is written as a funny, yet, perverse appoach, on what is wrong with the world.
I cannot think of any other entertainer who would have the guts to write this, but Joan Rivers does and I applaud her for it. Believe me you will not sit down with this book and say, "boring", because nothing Joan does or writes about is boring. The subtext to this book is to let your feelings out and don't repress them. Once you express your opinions you will feel better and happy, even if those opinions may not please most people, but do you think Joan really cares what others think?
Ahhhhhh, if I could be more like my Joan.
A++. One of the funniest books I have read!
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